Closing Time

Capra “The Locust Preacher”

Sam: This song has it all! Early aughts screamo intro! Every Time I Die-ass pre-chorus! Slayer riff for a minute! Blast beats??? Groovy Bronx coda??????? I am listening to this band on a laptop made by Apple, but in my heart I am seeing it in the basement of the Masonic Temple at Streetsville, Ontario. Some of the other songs on this album (which rocks) sound more like Converge, but this potluck of classics stands out as my personal favourite because it feels so hilariously algorithmically targeted to me.

Josiah: There’s nothing quite like those uncanny dramatic scenes that drive the “story” in metalcore music videos. A bunch of people with stretched earlobes wearing ill-fitting, thriftshopped business casual clothes. The men look like children dressing up as school teachers, and the women look vaguely rockabilly. It’s weird because these are the same kinds of people who normally wear all-black suits and ties and caption it “this dirtbag cleans up nice” when they go to their friends’ weddings that always have like a bulldog as the best man.

Dana Dentata “pantychrist”

Sam: Have yet to go for a meaningful strut to this song but pretty sure it would give me such unbelievably visibile swagger that I’d be immediately beaten up. This came out in the summer but feels like it should be illegal to listen to with the sun up or if it’s warmer than 10 degrees. Is this technically part of the nu metal revival? If so it’s better than the new Code Orange contribution (high praise, that song goes). 

Josiah: Ever since Sam revealed to me that he was beat up for being a glasses-wearing nerd, I’ve been holding back on beating him up with my words. Or maybe I’m just in love with him, because the thought of him listening to this gothy jock jam while having a jaunty stroll is so funny, it’s just downright adorable. In fact, I’m going to start shadowing him while he traipses around the promenade to make sure no haters can get at him.

Karen Peris “I Would Sing Along”

Josiah: I’m actually kinda excited to come up with a best of 2021 list this year, which I’ll probably just share here or whatever. But I almost forgot to check out A Song Is Way Above the Lawn, the new solo joint from the Innocence Mission’s Karen Peris. Her voice, that of an ageless twee angel, is probably the best part of Inny Missy (abbrev I just thought of), so of course the solo shit goes hard as fuck. The accompanying video reminds you that this is for and by Gen. X yuppies that buy expensive wool toys for their awful bratty children. But just try to tell me this doesn’t bang when the drums first come in.

Sam: Started listening to this just after 5pm when it was already dark as fuck here in Toronto. This is standard time music. I won’t watch the video to spoil things, but this makes me want to go on an all-tea diet (which would accompany my new all-cable knit sweaters wardrobe). I am enchanted.

Clams Casino “Water Theme”

Josiah: People have been playing the shit out of A$AP Rocky’s Live.Love.A$AP whenever I frequent the stores I frequent to spend my former beer money on hilariously ugly Nikes. I thought the nostalgia cycle had just shrunk a lot, but it turns out the mixtape turned 10 and listicles really do have a bearing on real-life. Anyway, just like that recent SALEM record, a lot of late 2000s/early 2010s shit still sounds so good. Including the new Clams Casino mixtape, which hits all the wonderful cloud-rap tingles without any of the cloud rapping. Although it would be an actual miracle if Lil B could return to his former glory too.

Sam: Wait does standard time rock. This is so perfectly dreamy and slow for exactly how I feel right now I don’t even care that the sun is setting here at like 3pm. Maybe I’ve just been doing it wrong (I was listening to Comeback Kid before this and the vibes were off). Wow when Josiah actually tries he really knocks it out the park.